Simply Complicating

Sometimes bike rides are just what the doctor ordered.

2008-07-18T06:38:35Z

The day started out really shitty. I woke up around 11am to find that my sister was gone, and since she is, unfortunately, my main soure of entertainment, I got ridiculously bored and kind of irritated at the fact that I was wasting my day off sitting in front of the computer screen instead of going out and doing something fun or productive. Usually when I get really bored I get kind of depressed and grumpy so when my sister finally came home around 2pm with her boyfriend, I wasn't very happy.

Her boyfriend isn't the most merciful human being on the planet, to say the least. Whenever I'm in a bad mood he'll find ways to push my buttons and get on my nerves. It always works too. This time around he saw me reading and thought it'd be funny to sit there and ask me a series of idiotic questions while I tried to ignore him and concentrate on my book as hard as I could. I gave up eventually.

It's been cloudy and stormy all week! I LOVE monsoon season. And after I decided it was just going to piss me off to stay at home, I grabbed my bike and cruised through the neighborhood a little bit. My bike is beautiful, and actually quite new too. I ordered it online last month or so for $200, which is pretty cheap, but my beach cruiser is a nice orange-creamsicle color with embossed leather handlebars and seat. PLUS these really awesome fenders. I'd say it's the prettiest bike I've ever seen, and I feel like a total badass when I ride it around. It was about 90 degrees or so when I took it out for my ride which isn't too bad considering the highs have been hitting 115 lately. It got uncomfortably warm when the sun came out though, so my ride didn't last too long, but it definitely put me in a better mood.

I went riding again with my little sister later on in the evening when it got really nice and cool. I always go uphill first on my bike-riding-adventures. That way you get the hard part out of the way and you're left with easy cruising all the way home. I took her all the way up Greenway which was probably a couple miles, and she was acting like she was going to die, even though we were taking good breaks along the way and we'd even walk our bikes every so often. She's the biggest drama queen I've ever seen. At one point she screamed at me to stop while she purposely made herself hyperventilate while making these gasping-for-air noises. It made me laugh, but I had her stop and explained to her that she'd pass out if she kept it up. Despite her little fits and whining about how tired she was, we made it all the way up to the water towers where we discovered this road leading all the way up to them. The incline of that road was INSANELY steep. My little sister was refusing to go up, so I just told her to stay put while I went up to look at the view. She followed me anyway. Once we got up there, the view was amazing! The sun was setting and the clouds were all pink and blue and you could see everything. It was really pretty.

We went home after that and, of course, the ride back was easy cruisin' the whole way. That put me in a great mood.

Learning to drive a stick shift makes me feel like a badass.

2008-07-16T20:55:11Z

My sister and I bought our car months ago, but we just obtained licenses a few weeks ago. Our 1998 Ford Escort was a complete steal. $500 for a car with new A/C, new tires, and a cool sun-roof. ^_^ Supposedly the radiator leaked, but it's been running for a while and we never found any evidence to back up the claim. o_O We bought if from my mom's co-worker's ex-husband. I guess he just wanted to get rid of it.

It's a stick shift though. As soon as we got it, our mom took us out and tried to teach us how to drive it, but ultimately, my sister's boyfriend taught her how to drive a stick and I kind of stopped trying to learn after I seemingly broke the car. Well, it really wasn't my fault, but I was driving home with my step dad, learning how to shift and shit along the way, when the car makes a really bad noise and it won't start up anymore. So we pushed it home and shortly after, we found out that one of the belts had shredded or something. I'd tell you which belt, but my knowledge of cars is so shallow that I couldn't remember the name of it even if my life depended on it. Our car got fixed right up though, but I didn't want to touch it after that happened, so after I got my license, I was just driving my parents' vehicles around.

Finally, a couple days ago, my sister took me to our high school parking lot where I learned everything again.

So that's me learning in the driver's seat, and that's my sister making fish faces and paying no attention to what I'm doing.

That was when I first sort of got in the car, but we were driving around for a while and I'm getting pretty good. So I can almost drive a stick! It's pretty damn fun too. :)

OOoooh!

2008-06-29T07:23:38Z

I just remembered that I had this :/
And since it is summer, I WILL BEGIN TO WRITE AGAIN! YAAAY!
So much has changed. But maybe I'll get back to this tomorrow after work.

School and shit.

2008-01-30T00:39:09Z

The days that I don't work are the best days of the week. Today is one of those days, so I'm just laying around, watching TV, and putting off my homework probably until morning. School doesn't feel like a priority anymore. I am so ready to graduate from high school and move on with life. Of course I'm going to college, but hopefully it will be a lot different. People tell me it is. They say it is better, but there are others who say that it's exactly the same as crappy high school. I'm trying to remain optimistic though. I'm pretty excited about college but at the same time I'm terrified. I haven't applied for many scholarship and I still haven't taken my ACT. I need to enroll in CSN too. I'm less stressed now than I was before when I thought that I was going to UNLV right after high school. CSN is right by my high school now. I'll be getting my feet wet for my first year there, then I'm transferring over to UNLV to further whatever field of study I decide to get into.

I don't feel like writing anymore.

I've come out of a coma.

2008-01-28T21:09:42Z

It's been roughly six months since I've updated this blog and approximately five months since I came out of my insanity, thinking that what I was doing was in my best interest and the person whom I was with shared that same concern. The last thing I left you with was how much I loved my boyfriend and how absolutely amazing he was. To put it simply, I broke up with him after I had found out that he had lied to be...a lot. It's a painfully long story.

We had sex a little after seven months came around. I regret it more than I regret anything I have ever done. It was once and going into it, I noticed he was very, very eager and I was feeling very, very terrified. And that's where it should have ended. I didn't comprehend it at the time. All I could think was how I'm 'showing him that I love him.' Very, very stupid of me. I'd give an arm to have my virginity back. Anyway, at the time I didn't realize, but he was obviously experienced. He wasn't the "practically virgin" that he had portrayed himself to be. Not at all. He was doing everything. I was just along for the ride. Details aren't important, but none of this clicked with me until everything was finally over.

I wrote in, what I thought was my private diary, what had happened. Details and everything. My mom found it while I was out one night. She read the whole thing. The funny thing is, I still wish she hadn't of found out, but without that happening, I would have been with him for even longer. I feel so humiliated and ashamed that I did it and she knows.

When I got home that night, after she had read my diary, she promptly sat me down, and told me I could never see my boyfriend, at the time, again. Of course I was devastated. I went crazy like I did so much for him and it seemed like my life was over.

But among my depression and chaotic sorrow, I thought I found a light at the end of a tunnel. I wanted to live with my dad. My mom wasn't going to allow me.. of course, until she listened to my phone conversation with my boyfriend on night. The conversation consisted of my saying horrible, horrible things about my family. Shortly after, she came in with tears running down her face and told me that she didn't want me living in the house anymore. And that I could live with my dad. I was getting my wish. She left and came back shortly telling me that prior to that happening, I had to get on birth control and I had to see a counselor. I was offended. I felt dirty. But at the same time, I was so relieved.

Days went by and I was a wreck. Even though I was getting what I wanted, I was ruining my life over this boy and my realtionship with my entire family was in shambles. I finally had a moment of clear thinking and I thought to myself, "I need to make a decision. If this boy isn't worth doing this for, then I'm not going to ruin my life." I had always had shallow suspicions that he had been lying to me about his sexual history. So I finally gathered all the bravery in me and asked his ex-girlfriend/ my friend if and how many times they had had sex. What she told me disgusted me. I wanted to throw up. Of course he hadn't been a virgin. He and his ex had shared a wonderful relationship chock full of sex. I called him right after I found out and I yelled at him. I was so mad. I told him I couldn't be with him anymore and he begged me to reconsider. He begged me and cried for another chance. He said, "I didn't think you were having sex with me because you thought I was a virgin." and "I thought you loved me blah blah blah." And OF COURSE, being the naive little girl I was, I caved in. I had enormous feelings for him and I told him that we'd work through it but for the time, we were broken up.

My mom called me shortly and told me I had a counselor appointment that day. I said I didn't need to go because I broke up with him. I could sense the relief in her voice but she said I was going anyway. The counselor was amazing. I was very mad when I got there. I was distraught and dazed, but he broke me and made me realize how unhealthy my decisions had been lately. Afterward, it was like my old self had come back and I apologized to my parents for everything that I had done and everything that I put them through.

We went to del taco right afterward and I talked to my mom more in that thirty minute period than I had for the last seven months.

I went home and quickly got ahold of him and told him that it was completely over. There was no chance of anything anymore. I talked to him for a while as a friend afterward, but once I gained back my full lucidity, I basically said that I wasn't going to be friends with a liar so I cut all ties with him, and I haven't spoken a word to him since. Of course, before I told him that, I got a little more information out of him. I found out that he had smoked while we were together and drank some. I wasn't really surprised, but that was just more reason to push him away from me.

Later, more people came to me telling me that he had "slept with all these girls" and screwed more than me and my friend pretty much. I felt pretty disgusting for months afterward, even now. I feel almost raped. I had had sex with this guy that I thought I knew, but he turned out to be someone completely different.

I have so much more to vent about, but that's about the story in a nut-shell.

How's that for a first boyfriend?

hil_uh_ree @ 2007-06-11T19:01:00

2007-06-12T02:04:44Z